Monday, December 24, 2007

Scary times

Okay, well it's not that scary, but it feels that way. I'm sending the first chapter of my book out into the world. Okay, it's not going far, but it's still really scary. I wish I wasn't such a fraidy cat, maybe my life would be so different. It seems like I've been scared most of my life of doing what I want to do. Writing is my opportunity to try something different. And I'm scared as hell.

Merry Christmas to everyone! I'm so excited for the holidays, and so ready for them to be over. I'm looking at the calendar wishing that 2008 was here and I could start over fresh. I think I go through this every year, but I'm hoping that after all the tradegy that we've had this year, we'll have smooth sailing this year.

I'm starting to finally feel better. I still have a really bad cough, but otherwise I'm doing fine. The cough meds seem to be working less and less so I'm figuring I'll have to make one more trip to the doctors. Maybe it'll be fixed by Wednesday so I don't have to make a call at all.

Well I don't have much to say right now. Well I do, but I'm actually thinking about sitting down and writing. That's a pretty big improvement so I better jump on it while I still have it!

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Please stop the voices....

Watching Brady I seriously contemplated the fact that I have ADD. Obviously I'm not hyper so we weren't twins, but man did we have some similar tendencies. Now as it's Sunday night, and I should be sleeping, my mind is going about five million miles a minute. I feel so crazy right now and it's so strange. I've been so tired the last couple days, especially with being sick, that it's annoying to actually not be able to sleep. I want to get over this cold and get on with my life. LOL!

So how do I fix this. Well my plan is to first honor my promise to my dearest friend in the world. I have been such a flake with everything going on that I feel like I have neglected my most wonderful friendships. So I'm reading Stephie's review that is due this Wednesday to give my opinion and suggestions. I'll probably get more pysched up so I'm not betting on sleep for awhile. I'm hoping that I can spend a little time getting some of these damn thoughts out of my head too.

Three weeks ago, almost to the hour I was in the bathroom experiencing the first signs of my miscarriage. Since then I've been reading about tests, and causes and all that other crap that fills your mind when you go through a tramatic event. Last week I started tests to see if there is something wrong, but I don't know if that will ever make it better. Is it something that can be fixed, or will we just keep experiencing this over and over again. I don't usually like laying all out there, but I'm scared as shit! I just can't imagine going through it again. And what scares me the most is even thinking about getting pregnant cause I'm always going to imagine that it won't stick. What will get us over the hump? Do we need to move away from the jerk next door to relieve some of the stress around here? What can fix the problem? I love to work on problems to find possible solutions, but I'm scared to death of what my solutions might be. Nick and I have discussed that we are not going to extreme measures to have a baby. Now we have to decide what are "extreme measures". How many tests do I take before we are too emotionally involved in trying to carry a baby to term to actually be able to stop?

It seems in every aspect of my life I'm riding on the wave of "what if's". What is my ideal job, what is the ideal situation, what do I really want to do with my life? Right now, I think it's to work with kids. But if I had the chance I would sit at home work on the chocolate business and write. I have several stories stuck in my head just waiting to get started but I just can't seem to sit long enough to get something out. I started yet another book just recently. I swear I just can't commit to anything. I'm over 80 pages into my first book and can't seem to get my junk in gear to get the rest out. So what if I had the time to actually write with no other worries? I'd probably be running around with my head chopped off, having 100 different stories started but nothing even close to finishing. I promised myself that I would take a little time this last week to write a little and I didn't. I wrote in my journal, which has even been a chore lately. Maybe I'm just too sad about everything right now that it's too depressing to admit my feelings and what is really going on in my life. I mean, really, who wants to write down, have no job, lost baby, might never have a baby, car sucks - it broke again, neighbor is still being a jerk, why the hell does this all happen to me? Man, just looking at that line makes me want to cry! I think that's the hardest part of it all. I don't feel like I can get all this negativity out. I don't want to be like this. I want to get up, dust my pants and move on. I know that it's only natural to greive and be upset, but I don't like being that person. I don't want people to take care of me, I want to be their support. I guess I feel that people don't know how to help me or take care of me anyways, so I don't even want to ask. I know that I'm extremely independent. I like to just take care of something if it needs to be done. Well as long as I don't get distracted by the million other things I'm trying to take care of. But man would it feel nice right now to not have to do anything for a little bit. I wish we didn't have the worry of what do we do if I don't get a job within the next couple week. I wish that we didn't have to worry about all the chores around the house that need to be done, or wrapping the Christmas gifts, or all that other garbage that keeps muddling my thoughts day in and out. I just wish there was a day where I could just sit down and keep writing, whatever that comes into my head, was transferred to paper. Maybe there will be some time, but it seems pretty impossible right now.

I suppose I better get my butt back to reading Stephie's review. It's pretty interesting but the way I'm going I'll never get it done. There's always time to write more later. LOL!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Okay, this sucks

Okay, I don't know who has a deal with the man upstairs but can you have him show me a little love from here on out! Yesterday I found out that the family I'm working for has decided to go back to the whole daycare thing. Now I'm searching for a job really really hard and very very quickly. I really am disappointed since I do love the kids and the parents so much. It's hard to believe how attached you can get so quickly. So if you ever wondered how I manage to get myself into these messes, I can honestly say I have no clue!

At least it doesn't look completely bleak! I'm toying with the at home daycare thing again. After looking at it, I might possibly have three neices and a nephew that I would watch and that wouldn't be so bad. I wouldn't need a lot more kids on, maybe one more and that would be more than enough to make ends meet. I just wish Nick and I were in a better place that it would work better in. Guess I gotta make due with what I'm provided with! Hopefully we can still have the opportunity to purchase a different home in the next year. We'll see, never know how things will turn out.

For those of you wondering, I am doing better. I'm still really sleepy but I'm getting better every day. I go back to the doctor next week to talk about what is going on and what the next steps are. Nick and I really are excited to start a family and want to know if it's even an option. Emotionally I don't know if I can continue to go through the agony of having another miscarriage. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like they can do much until they know that it's a recurrant thing for sure. Like it isn't enough torture being a woman, let's throw in raging hormones and the biggest emotional roller coaster just to watch it all crash down again! Thanks a lot!

Oh, and for the side jobs, they are going alright. I am still tinkering with Mary Kay. Just when I think I have the resources to start picking up again is when something big, like losing a job, sets in and I'm pushed back about five steps. I have a big open house this weekend and I'm really excited about that. Hopefully I can get a lot of business from that although I'm no where near ready for it. I haven't even opened my product to see what I have. I should have ordered product but there hasn't been any time and very little money to get it going. Hopefully the chocolate business is starting to pick up. We seem to be having some technical difficulties but the orders keep coming in. I just sent out three orders earlier today, but haven't seen any new orders come in for the rest of the day. I'm really crossing my fingers that it all works out in the end! I am so excited for this project. Check us out when you have a moment. We are still updating and working on changing things around but here's the address

Well I better run and work on figuring out this life I've been dealt!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Life sucks, Part II

Okay, so I'm really getting tired of life just sucking. Nick and I finally felt like we were in a good place and things start to shift for the worse again.

I gave Nick a very special gift for his birthday, I told him he was going to be a daddy. Last night my body changed it's mind though and so now we are so disappointed. We want so badly to have children and after the last miscarriage I thought we would be safe from another. Guess life just doesn't work that way unfortunately.

I'm trying to forget it and move on as quickly as possible. I have started with the holiday decorations and am hoping to get some baking done on Friday! I'm so looking forward to it. It sounds like I'm going to have a ton of kids that want to come help me too! It makes baking even more fun when you get to share it!

Well I suppose I better cut this one short today so I can go get some rest!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Can I just get back to normal?

LOL! Now that's a joke! I'm not even sure what normal is. Just when I think I'm back to a calm existence I realize that I have about five million things to do for something else.

The good news is my job has calmed down a lot. The kids are settled into their new home and Beau is a beautiful baby that doesn't fuss a lot. Nick and I went over there for dinner on Friday night and had a blast. Beth and Brad are great people and I love working for them!

Well the rest of my stuff has been on a little bit of a stand still since I've been working so hard with the boys and I'm so tired by the time I get home. My Mary Kay business has been doing pretty well and I'm looking forward to my open house this year on the first of December. I have everything planned and I am hoping to get all my stuff ready for it way in advance this time. I have the flyers going out early this week so I should be in good shape. The chocolate business is starting off here soon. Tewfic, my partner in chocolate crime, is finishing up the website right now and we'll be ready to rock and roll. Let me know if you ever want a sample and I can get you a few to try! Here's the website so you can check it out They might seem a bit expensive but they are really, really good. Plus you are helping a good cause, ME! LOL!

The house is kinda at a stand still on home projects until probably after the holidays. It seems like all your energy gets sucked up so easily this time of year. I started checking out my holiday address list for Christmas cards. I'll have them done for Thanksgiving so I can get them out by the first of December. I truly love the holidays though. I'm looking forward to putting up the decorations and baking Christmas cookies, especially with the new stove. I'm going to try making a few new treats this year and be sharing as much as I can!

Well I suppose I better get back to money-making work. You know, since it's Sunday morning and I should be resting. Especially since we came home late and I didn't get to bed until 2AM, but that's fine. Guess it means I have to take a nap today! YAY!

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Happy One Year Anniversary

So Nick and I made it to the one year mark in our house! I don't know whether to celebrate or scream sometimes. It's actually started to be a count down. One more year and we can move again. LOL! I do love this house dearly now, but it wasn't what I wanted at all when we started out. And those things that I didn't love about it then are the same things I don't love about it now. I've started a checklist of things that I really want in a home and hopefully this time Nick and I can actually talk about it rather than taking what we think we can get. It's still a ways off so I'm trying not to think about it a lot yet.

I finally got through the hard part of my job. The Richardson family is now in their new house and we can start making life for the boys normal again. Brady and Bennett have been over here at the house a few times this week since we need to get out of the way and they love it here. I've been so busy trying to wear them out that I've succeeded in wearing myself out as well. And yet I'm up on a Saturday morning at 6:30AM instead of resting in bed. At least writing is relaxing for me. It's not like I'm up trying to do a marathon!

Well I suppose I should go and actually start my day. I hope all is well with everyone out there!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Coping with what life throws at you!

After the rough couple years I've had I realized how often that life seems to smoother. Of course there are bumps on the way but they are so small compared to what they used to be.

Our neighbor situation is on its way to being resolved. We are going to court with him on the day before Thanksgiving. Hopefully the driveway will not be closed off anymore and he'll give up on trying to give all of us such a hard time. I know I'm being overly optimistic but I gotta believe in something! Nick and I are social butterflies, well I'm more social when I can stick around home, if that makes sense. I wouldn't mind if they kept to themselves but to sit there and harass us when we are outside is just plain evil.

Everything else in life is pretty much the same as last time. Oh, except we got a new stove. I've loved baking even more since we moved into the house, but the last stove was a little hard to regulate. I'm so excited to bake some brownies this afternoon and actually have them turn out! Nick says I have to learn to make them from scratch now since I've been trying to make everything else from scratch. You should see my cupcakes with royal frosting! YUM! Oh and I make an angel food cake (okay, that was from the box) but I made a strawberry whip cream frosting that was amazing! I was so impressed with myself. And it was for our neighbor girl's birthday and she was so happy!

My life has become so much more calm now that I'm back working with kids. I love just hanging out and learning together. They have so much energy so I get quite the workout (unfortunatly they give me a big appetite too so I haven't lost much weight yet)! My family has remarked how calm I've become. Not that I'm really a high strung person but I was running around like my ass was on fire a lot of the time. I have always known that there is something different in me when I work with kids. Nick used to laugh that I needed my weekly dose of kids to keep happy. I loved Abby, Lexie and Roxie coming over when I worked at Highland Manor, but it wasn't the same. Now I get to be really important in children's lives. Guess I should have stuck with the whole teaching career, but maybe someday that will happen.

Well I suppose I better get working on some stuff. I have a whole house to clean and want to get another chapter finished in my book! Nick's gone for the day so I better take advantage of it while I can!

To all of you at Highland Manor reading this: I MISS YOU GUYS LIKE CRAZY!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Another new addition

So it finally happened. I don't have the details yet, but I have another little boy to watch at my job! Beth had boy #3 very early this morning. I stopped in at their home to ask Brad's parents and that's all the details I got so far. I'm very excited to get to meet the little one soon.

So life in general has been so busy. Every time I turn around we are running on to the next thing. Our anniversary came and went, very quickly. We haven't even really got the chance to celebrate yet! Pretty sad considering that we don't have kids stopping us:)

Life keeps getting better though. Still lovin my job and things are finally falling into place. I officially have started helping a friend of my dearest Stephie! I'm shipping out chocolates for his internet chocolate business. We had samples on Friday night and they are awesome. Visit to check out more information or to order!

Well I suppose I better get my butt going. I have a lot of work to do and I really want to get some of it done before I fall asleep. Not looking good at this point, my eyes are starting to get really heavy.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Where did the weekend go?

It's amazing how quickly a weekend can go by! I didn't have much time to myself today or yesterday so I feel a little out of sorts right now. Too bad that I get be thrown right into it again tomorrow, but that's what I love.

No more writing, but I really have been reading a lot. It feels good to read some popular fiction right now. I have been reading some really intense books until lately. I just finished Garden Spells and I'm now reading this book called Little Pink Slips. They are quick books that just help the time fly. I'm hoping that tonight I will have some time to write a little bit.

Well better go! Gotta have some time to get stuff done!

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Just another week

Well I shouldn't say it's just another week. Nick and I had the cops call on us again by our wonderful neighbor. What an a**hole! We had a campfire last night again, like we love to do, and he claims that within the hour of us lighting it he had to take his wife to the hospital (and somehow magically got back in that time while the Badger game was getting done)! So even though we now have a permit our fire was a public nuisance! What a jerk! He's got another thing coming cause all hell is breaking loose today. We'll get him back!

In other news there isn't much going on! My little charges are keeping me busy and hopefully helping me lose some of that weight I've been trying to get rid of for the last couple of months. Next week we are going to do a lot of outings since it's supposed to rain a ton! Not what I really wanted to hear, but we'll make the best of it!

Well I suppose I better continue on to all my wonderful projects I need to finish today! Oh, I'm helping out a friend with his chocolate business so if you're ever in the mood for some lovely chocolates check out I'm really excited about this venture!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

A little bit slow...

Long time, no write! I have been so busy trying to keep up I keep saying I'm going to update my blog but never get the time. So for some reason I was up before 6AM on a Saturday so I'm busy catching up with all the good stuff I've been too tired to do lately!

For all you out there wondering....I LOVE MY NEW JOB!!!!!!! Okay, it does take some getting used to but the kids and the family are great! I'm still a little nervous about the whole baby thing and they just got a puppy too! They are super sweet and the pup is going with them every day to work so I don't have to worry about cleaning up after him. The boys and I are getting into a schedule, not that it works all the time but each day gets better and better. I love the kids to pieces and Brad and Beth are making me feel so welcome! I get constant feedback also which is great after not knowing for sure what was going on ever.

At least I still have time to read and write! I take my book (well both books, the one I'm reading and the one I'm writing) to work on while we have Nap/Quiet Time. I haven't read any to die for books lately, just a lot of fluff, but it's been fun. And the writing is getting better and better. Plus I feel like I have it a lot more organized in my head. I'm taking notes on what I want to add and where the book is going. Actually what is funny, is that I know about the ending more than I know about the beginning. I have the second half of the story pretty much finished. It's the first half of the book that's causing all the problems. All the characters and the deaths of main characters (well they aren't really main characters, they just seem like it right now....another thing to fix) are making my head spin. Then I look and I see that I might know what is going on but I still haven't given the reader enough information to make them see what is going on all around. But at least I'm more concience of it now. I have started making outlines and have lists of what I need to add. I'm so excited though. I've gotten twenty pages of really good writing done in the last couple weeks and a lot more notes to add about another 30 pages. If I keep going this way I'll be able to get the book done by the end of the year. That's my goal. I've already started working on the whole looking for a publisher. I got some research materials at the library so I can start sending out query letters and find an agent. Well I suppose some people are tired of hearing me blabber on about my book so I'll quit for now!

I realized that I'm a little sad this fall. I usually love fall so much, the hot apple cider, colors changing, pumpkins, SWEATER WEATHER!!!! There's so many great things that are associated with fall. But this is the first year I had a garden and I hated to pull all the stuff out of it. This week I started pulling the flowers out of the extra pots that weren't doing the best and pulled up the fence around the garden. The good news is that we are going to to a much bigger garden (Ha! Not like we have the room, but we are making the room) and then I can plant more stuff! I also learned that I don't need to plant so much yellow squash. I have so much in the freezer I don't know how I'm going to cook it all! I'm also hoping that I can plant some pumpkins next year!

Well I suppose I better get working on all the other stuff that needs to be done this morning. The sun in finally up so I might actually get my walk in early! Hope everyone is doing well!!!!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

A New Beginning

Well today was my first official day of my new nanny job. It's a little bit different but I'm so happy I switched. This is going to be the best thing ever. Both little boys are sweethearts. In fact, Brady, the five year old, didn't want me to leave today. But I promised him that I would be back in the morning and he was cool with that! This week is all about setting their schedules and making it a learning experience instead of just being able to stay home and play all day. Not that there is anything wrong with playing but kids need a type of play that helps them learn. Anyways, I'm having fun and enjoying my new family!

But I'm not so sure about the Target thing. I have never worked for a large company and I just don't know about this. I was the last cashier last night at 10 when the store closed and do you think that I could find my trainer, NO! I still don't know where he went but I figured I'd just help someone straighten things up until my shift was supposed to be over. But of course I got hooked up with this crazy lady that wanted to talk about everything and let me know her whole life story! At least this is just a temporary thing. Soon they'll have me on the sales floor and I'll know exactly what I'm doing. Plus I'm only planning on staying till the end of the year. Hopefully things will be much different by that time. Plus I'll have an extra little one that I will be watching at my full time job so I'll be just too tired to continue with both jobs.

My first day at my new job and guess what I got to do for the first hour of work! WRITE! The kids slept in so I got out my notebook and started plugging away. It's unbelievable how long it's taking considering this is kind of my second draft. But each page is generating an additional 2-5 pages of writing which I'm super excited for! That means that the measly little 75 pages it was could actually get to be about 300 pages easily. And that's only the second draft. But the third draft I figure I'm going to start cutting again or at least tweaking the details. I can tell some of the writing coming out isn't exactly what I want it to be.

And I got to read today too. While Bennett was napping and Brady was watching a movie I got the opportunity to pull out my book and read for a little bit. I'm actually thinking about doing it again. Nick is gone bowling for the evening so I should just hop into bed with my book and see how far I can get before my eyes get too heavy. That actually sounds heavenly right now so I think I must go for now.

Oh, one quick side note! I'm so excited Stephie is coming home tomorrow! I can hardly wait. I have been missing her so much and this is the longest she's ever been abroad without visiting.

Okay, now I'm done and I can get back to my book!

Sunday, September 02, 2007

We got the cops called on us...

It's official. We are bad neighbors. The ***hole next door finally called the cops on us. The war just continues. Last week he called the cops on the other neighbor. Now I finally called the cops cause their dog was running loose this week. So what does the jerk do, call the cops cause we were having a fire in the back yard. Aparently they have a health condition that it is affecting. Bad news to them is that once we have a permit we can have a camp fire whenever the hell we want to! I'm so mad I could just go over there and scream at the jerk. I love living here and I love our other neighbors. This jerk really needs to go away. There is only one other person in this world that I hate and he is quickly replacing that person.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Where is my head?

You know how sometimes your life just feels like it speeds by you. I am definitely having one of those days. I wish that I could have gotten somethings done but rather felt like I was in slow motion all day. My favorite part was Haley falling asleep all snuggled up to me. She curled up to watch Sleeping Beauty. I asked her if she was going to sleep and she nodded her head yes and closed her eyes. Today I proved that I should have no problems with the kids next week even though I was running so slow. I kept one step ahead of Haley this time and I started planning ahead for what I want to do with the kids next week. I've been researching story times and toddler time and all those goodies to keep us occupied. Although I think that we'll wing it most of the time at least in the beginning. I need to see what the kids like first.

In other news, there is no other news. HA! I've just been plugging away at house stuff. Hopefully I will finish it all before I start the new job.

Monday, August 27, 2007

And so it continues

So having a new job and everything was just to boring for me. I decided to get a second job again since I have better hours to do it. So hopefully next week I will be starting at the Super Target for two nights a week and every other weekend. I love Target so having the discount will help especially for those normal everyday things that you use. I figure that if I do that until the end of the year I can make some extra money so maybe Nick and I can go away next spring somewhere warm.

Well I am having a hard time typing today so I better go. I did one of those dumb moments just a little bit ago and actually touched the stove when it was hot! DUH! At least the lemon meringue pie looks great! I'll write more later when my finger stops throbbing so bad!

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Now I know I'm anal...

Okay I knew it before but once i started really getting into organizing our house I realized how bad I really am. I have my binders set up with my marketing plan for Mary Kay, a binder for my new job, and of course the Planning Workbook that I've had for the last year. Then I have all my little notebooks all lined up: Writing journal, two separate book notebooks, and then my everyday journal. I have these little index card boxes with all different ideas for books, home, etc. I swear if I could get more anal it would be a miracle!

Okay, but things are great otherwise. It feels good to be purging and getting all this old stuff out of the way. Our computer is complaining though. I have almost 100GB filled on the computer. Well over 20 is our music, but that's pretty scary. So now I have to organize things on to cd's and get them put away so I don't have to worry about them any longer. LOL! Like that's going to happen. At least I have things cleaned up and feel a lot better!

The writing has been going very well lately. I have gotten the opportunity to write a little each day. Although it's hard to pick up where I left off several months ago. You can tell where I got bored or just didn't know how to fill in the story. All of the sudden I will have like a three paragraph chapter. It's very pathetic. But it's filling out now and I feel very confident that I can get at least one done by the end of the year. And hopefully I can actually get both done.

Now I just have to take this week to prepare for the new job. I'm not worried about the activities or keeping the kids occupied, I'm worried about keeping up with them. I'm really not in shape right now so I'm hoping this week I can work a lot on stretching and getting some much needed exercise in.

Well I suppose I better go work on the bathroom. That wall paper isn't coming down on it's own, although it is coming up in spots on it's own!LOL! I get that one thing done then I can sit down, relax and write a little.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Starting over is grand...

It seems that life isn't all about work and I'm finally getting a chance to see that! LOL! This week has been great for getting a ton of things done around the house finally. I thought Nick was going to freak out for a moment when he saw me ripping down the wallpaper in the entryway but even with the two tone paint it looks much better than the 80's country wallpaper.

So how am I really doing. I miss Highland Manor, I've even been dreaming about it, but it really does feel good to have a new adventure. I've been writing, and cleaning, and hanging out with my neice and the kids next door. I've been scanning in papers, and cleaning out office supplies, and whenever I get a chance I read! I don't know why but I think that my life has gotten simpler with my leaving Highland Manor. Maybe I was just too wrapped up in it that it permeated the rest of my life. I'll definitely need some clear boundries with the new job, but I don't see it as being as much of a problem.

Well I best run and get all my chores done for the day. I feel a very productive day coming on! Thank the heavens!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Little bit of nothing

Yesterday was the first time I've goofed off in forever. The neighbors came over and we watched movies all afternoon! I forgot how important it is to just have fun!
So what's my new goal! Making sure to have fun everyday and stop making everything so serious. The good news is that I'm working with kids so I can't take everything so damn serious. No, I'm not abandoning my whole way of life. I'm sure I'll still be planning and working hard, but I need to make sure that I get that fun in there too. As I was thinking about this, I remembered this photo from Haley's 3rd birthday party. She reminds me to just have fun. Pretending isn't a bad thing and making believe is just a great way to escape reality. You can be whatever you want to be. Guess that's why I love writing so much. I get to escape this reality and shape my own!
So today I'm going to start writing again and making sure I bring a little nonsense and fun into my life! LOL!
Well I better run! There's a novel calling me back!

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Last day blues.... But life goes on

Yesterday was my last day at Highland Manor. In some ways it was a relief, but instead of celebrating I was too sad to do anything. I'm really going to miss a lot of people at Highland Manor and I wish that I could have continued on for that reason. But I chose the right path, it's just hard not doubting myself.

Last night I went to visit the boys that I will be nannying. They are so super sweet. Brady, five-years-old, wanted to make sure that I would color with him. The first time we met he didn't even want to talk to me and this time he was asking me a ton of questions and wanted to show me all his birthday presents. I'm so excited to work with a family again. This is my ideal situation. I get to be creative and active. I'm really looking forward to my first day.

Otherwise life has been very crazy as usual. Nick had a lymph node explode on Monday and had to have it surgically drained. He's very lucky he didn't get a staph infection. So he's been off most of the week healing. He finally looks much better but he's still moving a little slow. I'm so glad that he decided to go to the doctor right away. I hate to think what might have happened if he would have gone the normal route and not gone to the doctor.

I have been so busy trying to get organized and all of that the last couple weeks. I still have a long way to go but there will always be something to do in my eyes. I haven't even taken time to read or really write. I do feel like if I get this stuff out of the way I will be in a much better spot to be able to write. GET RID OF THE CLUTTER!!!!!! That's what my brain keeps saying.

Speaking of that I better get back to working on the piles. I have all day to get it done, but I'd prefer to get it done and over with so I can rest this afternoon!

I'll be updating this blog a lot more now that I have a normal schedule and will actually be dedicating time to write. YAY! I love new chapters in life!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Big Changes

So I've come to realize that the whole reason to start this blog was to get out all that stuff I have a hard time saying. I haven't been really good at that. I just keep in my shell and let the world think everything is alright. So I've decided to change my life completely, well almost, and finally be on a better track, a healthier track. So what's going on? Here's the scoop:

I quit Highland Manor after over two years of dedicated work. With all the changes that they have made and some things that they probably didn't know where going on, I was so stressed out I just couldn't keep going. Last December I had started going on anti-anxiety medicine and although it helped, I felt like I lost most of me. I lost the part that was creative and passionate about whatever I did. I felt like a zombie. So last week I decided to cut them out of my life. I can't believe what a difference it made. People have been worried cause I look like I'm down in the dumps, but I'm really not, it's just that my head is now going about five million miles a minute again and I'm trying to sort through all of it! I did need the medication and I don't begrudge anyone who does have to take it. It just wasn't a long term solution for me. I'm trying to work through the panic attacks now and with leaving Highland Manor and the financing struggles I was having from lack of sales, the panic attacks should be decreasing. Well that is if the neighbor stops being such a jerk! LOL! That's not likely to happen!

So what am I doing instead? I am going back to work with kids. I was trying to decide between going back to be a nanny and maybe opening my own daycare. After decided to do in home daycare for the meantime I changed my mind and decided to take the nanny position that was offered me. I will be working in Belleville so I have only a 10 minute drive to work. And the family is awesome. Beth, the mom, is just a year older than me and would be someone that I would hang out with. Brad, the dad, seems really nice and the kids are a blast. Bennett and Brady are full of energy and seem like such sweet boys. This gives me the opportunity to be with kids and enjoy their energy as I'm trying to get all of that energy back. I figure it's going to be a great time planning for activities and running around with the boys. Plus they are having a little one join the family in October so it will be great to work with an infant again as well. Nick and I have been trying to start our own family, but it's been a struggle. We've only been trying a couple months, but we hit a road bump early. In May I had a miscarriage and I think that's where most of the problems stemmed. I realized that I couldn't handle all the things that were going on anymore and I really needed a change in my life. I knew it before, but this was like a major wake up call. It's one thing to realize it and it's another to really know it! But we are continuing on and know that we will get lucky some day soon. And believe me, there will be a huge party when it does happen.

So how do I feel now that I'm changing careers again and have tried overhauling my whole life. Surprisingly I feel amazing. Without the meds I have a harder time controlling my emotions, but man do I feel free. I have gotten so much stuff done it's crazy! My last day at Highland Manor is the 17th and I don't start my job full time until the 4th of September, but I figure that the whole house will be organized by then. I have been busy scanning in paperwork so I can destroy old bank statements and phone bills, and all that other crap that is filling up my filing cabinet. And my life in general. Maybe Nick and I will have to get a scanner so we can just keep on filing everything digitally so I can eliminate paper since I'm horrible about filing stuff.

I am truly going to miss the people at Highland Manor. Maria is such a sweet person and I just started to know Nancy and she seems like a blast. I've had a hard time telling some of the residents I'm leaving. I'm sure I'll be in tears on Friday just knowing how far I've come there and leaving it all behind. I'll make sure to stay in contact with them, but it's always hard when you are undergoing a new adventure.

Good news is I have started writing again. I'm planning on working on my writing, and my reading, while I'm a nanny. I also hope to lose some of the weight I've gained recently. I figure the healthier I get the better our chances for having a healthy baby. Plus I don't mind fitting back into my favorite size 5 jeans! It's been close off and on, but it needs to be a permanent fix! Oh, and with the nanny job I don't have to worry about dress code. One less thing to think about and I can be comfortable enough to think and create!

Okay, well I think I've dumped enough for this entry! But with all the extra time I'll have I'm sure I will be blogging more often and I promise to try to wear my heart on my sleeve a little more!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Still Reading, but where did the writing go...

Wow have I gotten through a lot of reading since my last post! Here's a breakdown of what I'm currently reading and what I've read in the last month:

Anna Karernina by Leo Tolstoy - I'm in the process of reading this book and am loving it. I haven't gotten very far, but the writing is so descriptive and easy to read that it's hard to put it down. I'll let you know how it's going when I finally finish this great novel.

The Amber Spyglass by Phillip Pullman - Listening to this in the car. Third in the Dark Materials Set. I'm so close to being done and it's very intriguing. I love young adult fiction in the summer. I don't know if it's the nostalgia of summers long ago or the fact that they are just a lot quicker to read, but there is some great fiction out there right now. I sometimes wonder why there didn't seem to be that much when I was growing up. I would have been all over it!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling - Finished!!!!!! Boy do I love her and, of course, Harry Potter. I'm sad to see it all end, but I think that it's time. I'm not going to write anymore since I know a lot of my friends are still reading it.

The Subtle Knife by Phillip Pullman - Second in the Dark Materials set. Well I loved the first one, and I'm almost done with the last one, so this was just a continuation of all the fun!

The Historian by Elizabeth Kosteva - I loved this book so much! It needs to become a permanent fixture to my library. I borrowed this from Stephie - thank you so much dear - because it looked so good, and we are reading it for book club in August. I loved the characters and the narative. The different perspectives were great. Now of course the first love symdrome going on was a little cheesy, but then it gives a little bit of that romance that some people need in their lives! I definitely recommend this for anyone who loves history, vampires and a little bit of romance thrown in!

Alice in Wonderland and Alice Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll - I needed something to read fast and this was great. Alice is one of my favorite stories. I don't remember reading it when I was a kid, I got hooked on the Disney version. And there was this other version I remember watching as a kid that was a little bit truer to the book. This book will definitely be one that I continue to read out of my library!

Some books recommended to me:
The Expected One by Kathleen McGowan
The Kalahari Typing School for Men by Alexander McCall Smith
The Piano Tuner by Daniel Mason
The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri
The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
and more, but I don't have that list with me.

And back to Harry Potter mania - Yes I was one of those crazy people that was at Barnes and Noble for the Midnight Madness party! Thanks to Sue Tait - Stephie's mom, and my second mom - for standing in line and getting me such a good wristband number. I was one of the first 50 people to get it at the westside store. Thank goodness for that as it was crazy busy there. But why should that surprise you that I was there, when I was the crazy person who made sure to be to the movie on opening night! This movie was great. I love the previous ones, but the kids finally show that they know how to act a little bit more. They've come a long way baby! LOL!

Okay, well I'm getting sleepy so I'm going to go for now! I'll try to keep you a little more up to date since I've been slacking so much lately.

Oh, and about the writing...there hasn't been any! So hopefully I'll find that creative spark again and get something down on paper!

Monday, June 11, 2007

It's been so long...

Well a lot has been going on good and bad. The bad I really don't want to talk about but the good I can. LOL!

I have started another book. It hasn't gotten very far, but I have a great idea and I can definitely finish this one a lot quicker than the other one. I came upon a block in the first one and when the second idea came in my head I figured I better run with it.

Oh and the reading. I've been listening to a lot of books again. It's been good to listen on the way to work and while I'm working on literature at the office. So what have I finished? Here's the list:

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colter - now this is a good book. It is the perfect book for young adults, I'm thinking around age 9-10. I always get hooked on young adult books this time of year since they are easy to read and I always have suggestions for parents looking for books for their kids.

The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman - I had to read this book since the movie is coming out later this year. And I was really surprised how much I loved this book. I would actually like to try to read this book also. The audiobook was amazing. I felt like I was watching a movie in my head.

The Awakening by Kate Chopin - A definite classic. I don't know that it was a favorite classic but it was really good as well. I seemed to relate somewhat. Well not about the subject since she was trying to get away from her husband, and I love mine to pieces. :) I related to the fact of needing a change of scenery and feeling like I need to find out who I really am. I have a good idea, but things keep getting in the way!

Well I better go and get some things done, just thought I'd take a moment to update you all!

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Sorry it's been awhile...

I have been trying very hard to keep getting myself together. It seems like a never ending task. All I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep for days!

Okay well, I haven't been sleeping for days so here's what's been going on. Been working on trying to find out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I hate that there are so many things that make the decision so hard. My favorite question, "What if", is becoming a big pain in the you-know-what!

The writing has temporarily stopped again since things have picked up at Highland Manor again. I'm trying to get my schedule all worked out for it since things get all messed up pretty quickly when you have others dictating your schedule. But I closed on two homes for April and looks like possibly at least three at this point for May. I can handle waiting a little bit on writing if I'm not going to be broke all the time!

Reading is going great! I finished a book on Mary Queen of Scots, but already forgot the auther, but was really good. Read The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud and that was okay. A little harder to read but I'm continuing on with the series to see how things proceed. Started The golem's eye which is the next in the trilogy. I also finished 19 Minutes which was absolutely awesome. Not the all-time favorite, but for a murder suspense book, it was pretty good. Unlike The Innocent Man by John Grisham which I didn't care for, but it's not my kind of book in the first place. I'm also reading Stupid White Men by Michael Moore. I do think that Michael Moore is a little extreme, but it's hilarious what he says.

Well I suppose I better go. I know we are supposed to have rain showers today but I better make sure that the flowers are ready for the so they can actually sprout! I will try to be better about my blog again and not keep the postings so far and few between!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Too busy? Too stressed? Or just too lazy?

Well I'm hoping that the last item is not the case, but the writing has gone terribly of course. I have written less than five pages this week. I wish it was at least 50, but I can't seem to get back on track. It's almost like I can't find that voice that started me out. I did get some writing done last night while babysitting, but not much. So here I am on a Saturday night, almost Sunday morning, thinking that maybe my blog is the perfect way to start off writing again. Maybe a few lines in my journal. Or maybe not. I can always do that tomorrow. And then there are all those little things in the back of my head, like I could quick dust and vacuum the house. I got half of it dusted tonight before watching a movie, but I still have the other half and the vacuuming to do. But I also know that unless I start writing I won't do it tonight and there just won't be much time to tomorrow. I wish that there was some way to be able to live this dual life more harmoniously. I somehow wish that I knew how to better separate this lives and yet let them live together better.

Guess I better get writing. I have some inspiring music on and am starting to get sleepy so it's the best time to get dreaming!

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Life is never dull...

Well we had a great time for Grandpa Storkson's birthday yesterday! Aunt Connie came up from Georgia to surprise him and it was a wonderful visit. I really miss her and her family and it's hard to know they are so far away. I've talked a lot lately about the importance of family and how I don't think I could ever live so far away. No offense guys, but sometimes I really wished we lived far, far away. But I just can't imagine it completely. I know that they are doing what is best for them and their family and that is the most important thing.

It's been really hard lately with all the stuff going on around here and last night I again realized how much I love my family. I spent all afternoon and night with them and I really didn't feel like leaving. It was the first time in awhile where I felt like I belonged again. That might sound really sad, but I'm not meaning it too. It just shows that I have been so wrapped up in keeping up with everything and making sure life goes right that I almost forgot that I do have people I can really trust and that will love me no matter what!

Free kitty to anyone who wants her!

Well she finally did it! Princess Kiki knocked another plant down. I figured that the tippy table and the large planter would prevent her from jumping up on it, but no, she likes a challenge. Now my corner in the entryway is bare. Just an empty table for her to jump on and the plant is up high so it's hitting the ceiling. I swear we need to lock that girl up and put her on meds. I'm actually thinking of giving her catnip to help her calm down. That used to help for Kermie when he would get all wound up. Although I don't think that he was ever as wound up as her.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

If I didn't have bad luck

It's starting to become a joke. And that's a scary thing. Imagine your life having the motto "if I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all." Now I know that sounds really crazy and everyone's life gets better, it can't go down the tubes all the time. I swear there are few things that have really gone my way lately. I think the house is the biggest, but everything else seems to be falling apart. I am saying this with a smile on my face so at least I haven't given up hope for something to go my way.

Today is a big day. D-day. Decision day. Am I on the right track and do I just need to be patient? Should I change my life completely? So many things to weigh and consider. I know that Nick wishes this day would have come about a year ago. Good thing is I do know a lot more about myself and what I want. In fact I think that I've learned, or rather realized, more about myself in the last four months than I have in the last four years. I really thought at the beginning of March I was definitely on the right track, it's just that my life is littered with bad luck. I do the work, I try really hard and then everything falls apart.

The writing has improved again though. I have actually started to make considerable additions to it. I haven't wrote as much as I did that first week, but like 56 pages is tough to beat. And it's gotten busy, but I promise myself that I will try to at least look at it everyday and it's always with me no matter where I go. Speaking of which I better get cracking!

Monday, April 02, 2007

I hate the weather

Okay, how does this work? I'm here at work looking out the window at the beautiful day. All I want to do is go home and work on my flower garden. I want to be outside today and enjoy it. Maybe read and write. Sit on the porch. Why couldn't this have happened yesterday? And it's not supposed to be nice next weekend. Of course I get out of work early on Friday and now I will be stuck inside instead of enjoying the new flowers.

Okay, I suppose I better get back to work. Just had to gripe about how unfair things are going right now! But then again, how is that any different than how things usually go!

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Blue Day

I hate days like this. The weather is supposed to cooperate. It's my only day off. And it ends up being crappy out. It's so depressing. I just wish that it could have been nice for an hour or so. Just let me get outdoors and be productive. I was definitely productive indoors today. One of those days where you wake up and can clean the whole house from top to bottom in a few hours and ready to tackle the next project.

Yesterday Jackson and I found flowers planted next to the garage. I'm thinking that they weren't planted there on purpose since they are in a really silly spot. But I'm looking forward to transplanting them to a better spot. I love gardening. I do really love to be outdoors, but I want to make things look pretty. Especially our really white house. I am looking forward to a little color this spring. The grass is really green and I've pruned the front crabapple tree so it should look great this spring. I can't wait for it to bloom. I want things to start looking nice and for the weather to just be nice from now on. I know I'm asking a lot but I need it.

This week Chris comes from corporate to see us for the first time in a very long time. I'm a little nervous as I always get when someone comes. I guess it's my self doubt tying me in knots. If only I could not be so darn nervous. Maybe I'm just really worried about being let go again. I know that there have been a lot of changes within the organization and I came close to losing my job once due to job cuts. Thank god for Chris. He made sure that they kept my job! I really appreciate it. Guess I just wish that I was having better luck though. I don't think I've ever gone through such a bad string of luck with clients. No closings this month and none in February. This is crazy. I have never been so busy and not had any closings in a long time. There is no excuse for it. I'm really worried about the market. I've been very lucky to not have to worry about the market. We've always had a tight niche and been very successful. But the market just seems to be dropping really rapidly. Who knows what this means.

So, the writer in me is having a hard time again. The editor in me is having a lot of fun. I figured out how to use all the comment/markup functions in Word and have been just tearing my work apart. The comments have been really helpful. I'm hoping that I can finish at least the prologue in it's entirety this week. I worked on the big hole in my story over the weekend and at least have a better direction of where it should be. I like the ending, but of course I do, but I knew that there needed to be more middle. I knew I suddenly was near the end and at 60 pages that wasn't good. No more writing sprees lately, but I'm hoping I can change that as well. At least I am writing a little more each day and starting to ask questions. Boy do I love to ask questions. I just wish I had more answers. The good news is that I might actually be able to answer these. They are slowly forming and I will have one hell of a good time telling this story. It's actually kinda funny. I was thinking about how I'd love for someone to read so that they could ask me questions about it as well, but then after looking at it no one could ever understand it. I have a great storyline, but it's just an outline at this point. High points with no base. It's getting there though!

Well I suppose I better get back to writing and editting. I have a few more hours of my weekend left. I better enjoy them while I can!

Friday, March 30, 2007

Just finished...

I just finished My Life by Bill Clinton on audiobook. Wow! I've never really been into politics which is kinda funny cause at one time I was really interested in being a lawyer, but this book was really good. I forgot how much I liked Bill Clinton despite all the personal problems he went through while in office. I'm not much for discussing my personal political values so I'm going to stop there and suggest you read it.

Life has been pretty uneventful this week. I got the flu, the icky, sicky flu and was in bed for two days. Now I'm getting back to life and figuring out what I missed. I definitely have missed out on working on my book. You would think with two days at home I would have done a ton with it. But my main concern was how close the bathroom was. When your tummy is reminding you that it can control your life you can't think about the next chapter or where you want your characters to go. Although I did get through some of my research. Plus it gave me a good starting point of where I need to be going.

Mindmapping! This is the best thing in the world. I used to do these in school all the time and I forgot how awesome they are. The one thing I could concentrate on where the ideas that were floating around that needed to be put down. So I got out a blank sheet of paper, thank god I've been keeping all those half used sheets of paper, and started writing down ideas in their little bubbles. Then came in the fun part of drawing all the lines on how everything relates. I think I worked through the problems I was having with my book and how to resolve it. So now that I'm feeling better I really should be working on my book rather than reading and blogging! I'll get there, just need a little time to warm up and get the creative juices flowing. I have a whole hour to devote to writing this morning and I plan on using it!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Anyone interested...

Okay, now I set it up that anyone can reply to posts without having a blogger account so I need some input. I am wondering if anyone would be interested in an online book club or writer's workshop. I'd rather have them online since I seem to get busier and busier each day. Then we can post and reply whenever fits everyone's schedule. Let me know what you think and if you'd be interested.

Monday, March 26, 2007


I love the spring, especially when it acts like summer! I have found some great spots in and outside the house to enjoy the weather. Last night I sat on the front porch to read. It was heaven. The only thing that would have made it better is if we had a swing out there! I love swinging or rocking!

Oh, and the second is our bedroom. I hate the futon in there, but it's been great to have the patio door open, sit and just enjoy the weather! I can do so much more sitting here with my books and computer. But either are great!

This weather has been great to think and reorganize for the book. I think I got my problem worked out and from here I can actually get back to writing! Now if I could only find a few more hours in the day to be able to write!

Sunday, March 25, 2007

another one bites the dust

So the reading quest continues....

I finished Danielle Steel's Johnny Angel. It wasn't that bad and definitely a real quick read. I really need to quit reading books that talk about death. At least this one wasn't very dark. This is what I wish The Lovely Bones would have been more like. The Lovely Bones was way to lighthearted for the murder that took place. Johnny Angel on the other hand was sad, but relieving too. There wasn't any bad guys and troubling thoughts running through my head. It was just someone/something trying to make the world a better place.

So now I'm trying to finish I'd Rather be Writing and I get to continue with Stupid White Men by Michael Moore. It's been so nice that I've been able to go out and read on the front porch. It is a great way to start the day. But it's getting late and I better get ready to go to sleep. I've had a short weekend and tomorrow I return to work.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

whatever will happen now??

I am in one of those phases again where I know that something big is going to happen soon. Maybe it's everything with work or just life in general, but something is definitely going on and I can feel it.

Well the reading thing is going very well lately. I just finished listening to The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon. I think that I'm going to have to actually read it. It actually kind of scared me on how I could relate to the autistic child that was the narrator. I'm scared to admit that I think like he does a lot of the time. Okay, so I understand I can talk to strangers, and that I can actually use a public restroom instead of wetting myself. Sorry, gotta read the book to understand. Oh, and I just finished, I mean minutes ago, The Thirteenth Tale. Now that was a good book. It is definitely one I will have to buy and read again. I need it in my library to remind me that it's good that books don't turn out how you expect them to and something they really shouldn't. After all, is it really fun to read about something and figure it all out before the end. As usual I tried to guess the ending and I couldn't have been more further from the truth. Not only was I wrong about the ending but I was wrong about the middle! Oh, I have so much to learn. The good thing is it makes me think that writing is the best medicine for me. I just wish that one story would come out instead of my brain coming up with five million.

And on to writing..... Blah!!!! LOL! I wish that I could say I am writing like a fool and it's going great but it isn't. I think that I finally realized where I need to expand my story and get it back on track. In fact I think that I'm probably done with it, or at least the skeleton of it. I can feel that I'm missing something though. The last two weeks I have been just thinking about it in my head. I've been trying to get it out of my head so it can breathe on its own and let me know when it's figured itself out, but unfortunately my brain doesn't work that way. But I think that is what the big itch I'm getting has to deal with, or at least partially. I'm sure that there are several things that will be worked out in the next few weeks. Lord knows that I have a life in need of a good fix!

Life will get worked out and tends to work better when I stop trying so damn hard! Guess it's back to the meditation state for me and maybe I'll find that moment of truth yet!

Monday, March 19, 2007

Just a little note

Okay, I'm having a ton of fun with the whole book thing so I promise that I will keep it up to date with what I'm reading and all that fun stuff! Gotta get my writing in one way or another. And this is great practice!

So what am I reading right now! Well for some strange reason I'm trying to read four books at once! Here's what's on my pile:

I'd Rather be Writing by Marcia Golub - this book is awesome about how writers have such a hard time staying on track and in the mood to write. I am totally relating to this right now. I want to write, but there are so many other things going on! LOL!

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield - I have heard nothing but great things about this book, but I always pick it up when I'm half asleep already so I only get a few pages in at a time. I got it from the library so I need to finish it this week!

Stupid White Men by Michael Moore - this is our Book Club selection for May! I haven't gotten very far into it but Nick kept asking what was so funny. Seems I kept laughing out loud at everything in the book!

Johnny Angel by Danielle Steel - A resident gave me this book to read. I used to read a lot of Danielle Steel books but after reading the Lord of the Rings I gave up and started reading fantsy and sci-fi. Thought I'd give it a try though since she really liked it! Beside I know that her books are usually a quick read so I should be able to finish this book this week as well! Two books in one week, that'd be good!

Okay, and of course I have an audiobook going for the wonderful commute:
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon - I'm starting it today on my drive so I'll let you know how it goes. This is our June Book Club selection. Wow am I getting ahead of myself! LOL!

Well that's it for now! Don't think I need to get anything else on board till I have the time to clear some of these off! I'll keep you posted!

Sunday, March 18, 2007

March 2007 - What I've read so far

Well I figured it might be easier for everyone if I broke it down by month! I've really been on a reading mission!

So far so good, I can't remember everything I've read lately, but I do have a list here somewhere so I'll update it later. Here's the list so far:

The Memoirs of Cleopatra by Margaret George - I love her books. This one inspired me to write. Everyone hates Cleopatra because of her great history as being a seductress to keep control of Egypt. Margaret had a great way of writing to explain why she could have done what she did. You feel compassion for her and feel like you know her better than your best friend. I love a book where you can fell, see and smell what is going on in a book!

Marley and Me by John Grogan - I wrote about this book already, but it is a really good book.

Angels and Demons by Dan Brown - I wrote about this book already. I do think that I will probably try to read it again. I think that I was disappointed because I thought it was too mainstream. I love books that you don't quite know where you are going. This one was way too straight-forward. But it was still good, don't get me wrong!

Rip Van Winkle by Washington Irving - you should always travel back to your youth once and awhile. I loved children's stories and this is a great one. I promise someday I'll be sharing this with my kids!

The Little Guide to Your Well-Read Life by Steve Leveen - This focused a lot on getting reading in your life by any means possible. He focused a lot on listening to audiobooks since everyone spends a lot of time in the car. Now I always have a couple audiobooks ready to go for the commute.

The Innocent Man by John Grisham - I read this book for Book Club and I really didn't like it. There was too much repitition and guts. This is not a book I would normally read cause it makes me think about a lot of dark things. If you like murder/thriller books it might be up your alley, but I will warn you that it does have a lot of information in it. Not a quick read at all!

The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemminway - just finished on audiobook. It was good, very disappointed in the ending. Always looking for that happy ending or rather something that happens. It seemed like he just ran out of things to say. Still was good and I didn't turn it off and start listening to something else so it kept my attention. I just wish I could be a writer that could live in Paris and travel all over Europe when the notion took me!

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold - This book really bothered me. I thought it was good until suddenly I just got disturbed by the murderer. He just really bugged me. The scene where he's in his chair and playing with the bones just rubbed me the wrong way and I had to put the book down. I did end up going back to it and finishing it, but I think it was more out of having to for Book Club rather than because I wanted to!

The Odyssey by Homer - I loved this book! I love adventures so this was so up my alley!

A Grief Observed by CS Lewis - not a lot to say about this book, but it was good

On Writing by Stephen King - this was awesome! I might not read much of his fiction, but he has a great way of talking about the craft! Anyone who can talk about his drug habits and drop the f-bomb and make you laugh about it has a place on my book shelf!

I'm sure I'm missing some, but that's what I have for right now! Hope this helps everyone! Have fun reading!

Recommended Reading - Thanks for all your help!

Well it's been almost two months since I went on my quest for the great books to read. Everyone was very helpful so I thought I would share what everyone has shared with me! Sorry guys, I haven't gotten to all of yours, but there is so much to read out there I'm getting to them!

Recommended Reading:
Angels & Demons by Dan Brown - I did read this and did like it. Not sure that I liked it more than The Da Vinci Code, but I think that it was the concept. I was very interested in the historical figures in The Da Vinci Code.

The Godfather by Mario Puzo - There has to be something here or they wouldn't have made all the movies!

Anything by Piers Anthony - haven't gotten this far yet, but it's fantasy so I'm sure I'm going to love it!

Marley and Me by John Grogan - Read this book in a weekend! Great short read, especially for the summer. Watch out, if you have dear pets it's a little sad. I cried and cried!

Dear John by Nicholas Sparks - haven't read yet

The Husband by Dean Koontz - haven't read yet

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden - okay this is a favorite. I have read it multiple times and think that the movie is beautiful.

Fall on Your Knees by Ann Marie MacDonald - haven't read yet

Running with Scissors by Augustan Boroughs - haven't read yet

Pillars of Earth by Ken Follet - haven't read yet

Gone for Good by Harlen Cogen - haven't read yet

Tell No One by Harlen Cogen - haven't read yet

At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks - haven't read yet

Three Weeks by Nicholas Sparks - haven't read yet

Fifth Horseman by James Patterson - haven't read yet, and this is fifth in a series so I might start the whole series before this one

Mary Mary by James Patterson - haven't read yet

Eugene Onegin by Aleksandr Sergeevich Pushkin - haven't read yet

Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse - haven't read yet

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield - just started reading, will keep you posted.

The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova - haven't read yet

Anything by Henry James - haven't read yet, but have The Wings of the Dove in my library to read thanks to wonderful Stephie!

Anything by Edith Wharton especially House of Mirth or The Buccaneers - listened to House of Mirth on audiobook and really did like it, love Ethan Frome too

The Iliad by Homer - haven't read yet

The Aenied by Virgil - haven't read yet

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte - loved it in high school

Villette by Charlott Bronte - haven't read it yet

The Portrait of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde - haven't read it yet

Anything by Jane Austen especially Northanger Abbey and Persuasion - haven't read any yet, but love the movies based on her books: Emma, Pride and Prejudice, and Sense & Sensibility.

Possession by A. S. Byatt - haven't read yet

Map of Love by Ahdaf Soueif - haven't read yet

Arabian Nights aka: A Thousand and One Nights - haven't read yet

Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf - haven't read yet

Orlando by Virginia Woolf - haven't read yet

The Hours by Virginia Woolf - haven't read yet

Dracula by Brom Stoker - haven't read yet

Frankenstein by Mary Shelly - haven't read yet

Okay, well this is what every sent me I will give a separate blog to those I've been reading and what are my favorites!

Side project

Okay, I know that I'm sometimes a super private person. I don't let a lot of people know what is going on in my life, but then I like not having to answer a lot of people questions when things aren't going the correct way! But I have to get this out there! I just can't keep quiet about it at all! I have started writing a book! Yay! As you can tell, I'm very excited about it! Sometimes life isn't what you thought, but this feels very right. Unfortunately I'm stuck right now in it, but I know that I just need a little bit to think it all out.

So what's it about? Well there's a story behind it. I read Margaret George's The Memoirs of Cleopatra, by the way was fabulous! I love the way she writes. For someone who hates history, I've found that I really like reading about it. Well if it's fictional history based on true history! So I learned a lot about Cleopatra and Julius Caesar and their love affair. It seems that they had a son together. Well in Margaret's story Cleopatra miscarries a second child by Caesar. And here is where my "what if's" came in. I'm rewriting history and it's great. That's all I'm going to tell you because I'm not sure where it will end up at this point. Not happy with where it is right now so I'm thinking about going back a rewriting a bunch of it!

Okay, why am I doing something so crazy? Because I already write in my journal everyday and have tried to write daily for the last eight years. I've had a journal for the last 12 years. I love to write and I love to read. Seems like a natural fit to me. Do I want fame and fourtune? Of course, but I'm realistic. I know that it might not happen. But will it hurt me any? It will hurt me more to not try. There are more "what if's" if I don't try than if I do go through with it. And I have learned so much about myself and of course I'm finally learning all that history that I wasn't interested in high school. Wish they would have made it this interesting when I was in high school. I'm thinking that they really approached history the wrong way. I would have learned a lot more if it would have been presented through literature. Boy do I wish that schools would pay more attention to the way people learn. I'm a very visual learner, so no wonder why I liked math and literature. I see things very clearly. Okay, enough of all of this. I better get back to organizing. I plan on picking back up on the book and getting my research a little more organized. Heaven knows it works much better when I know where to find everything!

when it rains, it pours

What a difference a week can make! The busy season has begun at Highland Manor. I'm taking offers on homes like crazy. I think I might be setting records this year! At least I'm hoping so!

So what made this week so different? In one week I took four offers. I have another appointment on Monday for another offer. I have someone interested in my most expensive and least expensive homes. Well, truthfully, I have two someones interested in the least expensive home. But that's how it goes this time of year. Can I keep up? I'm not sure at this point! LOL! I have a stack of offers and leads I have to contact on Monday. Well actually I should be contacting them right now, but there was no way to do it on Friday or Saturday. I had six appointments for Saturday! Kinda crazy considering that I'm only supposed to be there for 3 hours. Six and a half hours later I was still trying to get out of work. I could have spent another couple hours going through everything. But I love it and I love being busy.

I plan on selling around 30 homes this year. I'm a little behind at only having one closing so far this year, but I plan on changing that this month. Guess that's pretty obvious with the amount of offers I'm taking right now. And I have a feeling that I might be able to go over that. The founders of Uniprop asked me to sell 48 homes this year. I think it might be a stretch but I might be able to do it. With this type of traffic coming in you never know what will happen. We might need to rethink only 10 new homes being brought in! I think I might be able to bring in at least 15 new homes this year. And the residents are super helpful. They give me great ideas and are really starting to refer people to Highland Manor! Boy does that help! We are going to have an awesome year!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

What a time to be thinking...

It's so hard to believe how much things can change so quickly. I've been pouring my little heart out over this novel, my new baby. I can't believe how quickly it can come to shape. Research started less than a month ago and hundreds of books later I finally started writing. Last Saturday was the magical day when serious writing came out and it hasn't stopped since. My head hurts a little from all the concentration on the book, but it's well worth the headache. 20 pages later, I'm pretty impressed. But now comes the procrastination. My goal is only 4000 words tonight. That's only about 14 pages! And another 10 pages tomorrow. Can I do it? Yes, I can. As Bob the Builder would say. Man do I miss kids! But seriously, I somehow know that this is the right thing to be doing with my life. It's strange how the world works. I hated history in high school and now I'm writing a piece of historical fiction. The research is wonderful and it hilarious to see how much I have learned in this short period of time. I need to thank Margaret George, author of Memoirs of Cleopatra, for giving me the inspiration to say, "What if?"

Life in New Glarus is otherwise uneventful. We continue to wait for the snow to melt to start projects and for the commission checks to come in from work for me. Sales are still slow at Highland Manor, but I am expecting a great year as is my new boss! Hopefully the weather will start to get better so that it starts to pick up again.

Well I better get back to writing. Can't keep putting it off anymore!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

A year later...

Well Stephie and I didn't do the triathlon. So much has changed in a year and thank goodness most of it has been good. There have been a lot of hard times but at least I understand myself so much better. There is always something underneath it all.

So this year I am working on continuing improvements to my life and figuring out who I really am. I've been journalling a ton and with each new entry I learn more and more about myself. I've been reading many different kinds of books and feel like they are helping me on my journey. In fact I just read, or rather listened to the audio book, that said that writing is the new religion. By journalling I'm in fact praying to an higher source of power for help. And these prayers have been helping.

In fact I've opened a completely new chapter in my life. I have decided to start writing a book. I am in heaven! I have started the research and found that I miss college all over again. The trips to the library and doing research on the web, they all make me feel like I could make a difference. Maybe not a big social or political one, and possibly not even make a mark, but I know that someone might understand where I'm coming from and where I want to be. I will continue to see things in a different way than many people and I hope that someday I will find more people that understand where I am coming from! So far I've been lucky enough to have two people in my life that really know me. More than I know myself sometimes. If I didn't have them to make me think more and push myself more than I normally would, I would be a big couch potato.

So on I go with the book research and hopefully by this time next year I'll be on my next book and have a date for the publishing of my first book. I'm crossing my fingers, but for some reason I don't feel that I really need to. I feel, for the first time, that I am really on the right path. That's saying something!