Too busy? Too stressed? Or just too lazy?

Well I'm hoping that the last item is not the case, but the writing has gone terribly of course. I have written less than five pages this week. I wish it was at least 50, but I can't seem to get back on track. It's almost like I can't find that voice that started me out. I did get some writing done last night while babysitting, but not much. So here I am on a Saturday night, almost Sunday morning, thinking that maybe my blog is the perfect way to start off writing again. Maybe a few lines in my journal. Or maybe not. I can always do that tomorrow. And then there are all those little things in the back of my head, like I could quick dust and vacuum the house. I got half of it dusted tonight before watching a movie, but I still have the other half and the vacuuming to do. But I also know that unless I start writing I won't do it tonight and there just won't be much time to tomorrow. I wish that there was some way to be able to live this dual life more harmoniously. I somehow wish that I knew how to better separate this lives and yet let them live together better.

Guess I better get writing. I have some inspiring music on and am starting to get sleepy so it's the best time to get dreaming!

Life is never dull...

Well we had a great time for Grandpa Storkson's birthday yesterday! Aunt Connie came up from Georgia to surprise him and it was a wonderful visit. I really miss her and her family and it's hard to know they are so far away. I've talked a lot lately about the importance of family and how I don't think I could ever live so far away. No offense guys, but sometimes I really wished we lived far, far away. But I just can't imagine it completely. I know that they are doing what is best for them and their family and that is the most important thing.

It's been really hard lately with all the stuff going on around here and last night I again realized how much I love my family. I spent all afternoon and night with them and I really didn't feel like leaving. It was the first time in awhile where I felt like I belonged again. That might sound really sad, but I'm not meaning it too. It just shows that I have been so wrapped up in keeping up with everything and making sure life goes right that I almost forgot that I do have people I can really trust and that will love me no matter what!

Free kitty to anyone who wants her!

Well she finally did it! Princess Kiki knocked another plant down. I figured that the tippy table and the large planter would prevent her from jumping up on it, but no, she likes a challenge. Now my corner in the entryway is bare. Just an empty table for her to jump on and the plant is up high so it's hitting the ceiling. I swear we need to lock that girl up and put her on meds. I'm actually thinking of giving her catnip to help her calm down. That used to help for Kermie when he would get all wound up. Although I don't think that he was ever as wound up as her.

If I didn't have bad luck

It's starting to become a joke. And that's a scary thing. Imagine your life having the motto "if I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all." Now I know that sounds really crazy and everyone's life gets better, it can't go down the tubes all the time. I swear there are few things that have really gone my way lately. I think the house is the biggest, but everything else seems to be falling apart. I am saying this with a smile on my face so at least I haven't given up hope for something to go my way.

Today is a big day. D-day. Decision day. Am I on the right track and do I just need to be patient? Should I change my life completely? So many things to weigh and consider. I know that Nick wishes this day would have come about a year ago. Good thing is I do know a lot more about myself and what I want. In fact I think that I've learned, or rather realized, more about myself in the last four months than I have in the last four years. I really thought at the beginning of March I was definitely on the right track, it's just that my life is littered with bad luck. I do the work, I try really hard and then everything falls apart.

The writing has improved again though. I have actually started to make considerable additions to it. I haven't wrote as much as I did that first week, but like 56 pages is tough to beat. And it's gotten busy, but I promise myself that I will try to at least look at it everyday and it's always with me no matter where I go. Speaking of which I better get cracking!

I hate the weather

Okay, how does this work? I'm here at work looking out the window at the beautiful day. All I want to do is go home and work on my flower garden. I want to be outside today and enjoy it. Maybe read and write. Sit on the porch. Why couldn't this have happened yesterday? And it's not supposed to be nice next weekend. Of course I get out of work early on Friday and now I will be stuck inside instead of enjoying the new flowers.

Okay, I suppose I better get back to work. Just had to gripe about how unfair things are going right now! But then again, how is that any different than how things usually go!

Blue Day

I hate days like this. The weather is supposed to cooperate. It's my only day off. And it ends up being crappy out. It's so depressing. I just wish that it could have been nice for an hour or so. Just let me get outdoors and be productive. I was definitely productive indoors today. One of those days where you wake up and can clean the whole house from top to bottom in a few hours and ready to tackle the next project.

Yesterday Jackson and I found flowers planted next to the garage. I'm thinking that they weren't planted there on purpose since they are in a really silly spot. But I'm looking forward to transplanting them to a better spot. I love gardening. I do really love to be outdoors, but I want to make things look pretty. Especially our really white house. I am looking forward to a little color this spring. The grass is really green and I've pruned the front crabapple tree so it should look great this spring. I can't wait for it to bloom. I want things to start looking nice and for the weather to just be nice from now on. I know I'm asking a lot but I need it.

This week Chris comes from corporate to see us for the first time in a very long time. I'm a little nervous as I always get when someone comes. I guess it's my self doubt tying me in knots. If only I could not be so darn nervous. Maybe I'm just really worried about being let go again. I know that there have been a lot of changes within the organization and I came close to losing my job once due to job cuts. Thank god for Chris. He made sure that they kept my job! I really appreciate it. Guess I just wish that I was having better luck though. I don't think I've ever gone through such a bad string of luck with clients. No closings this month and none in February. This is crazy. I have never been so busy and not had any closings in a long time. There is no excuse for it. I'm really worried about the market. I've been very lucky to not have to worry about the market. We've always had a tight niche and been very successful. But the market just seems to be dropping really rapidly. Who knows what this means.

So, the writer in me is having a hard time again. The editor in me is having a lot of fun. I figured out how to use all the comment/markup functions in Word and have been just tearing my work apart. The comments have been really helpful. I'm hoping that I can finish at least the prologue in it's entirety this week. I worked on the big hole in my story over the weekend and at least have a better direction of where it should be. I like the ending, but of course I do, but I knew that there needed to be more middle. I knew I suddenly was near the end and at 60 pages that wasn't good. No more writing sprees lately, but I'm hoping I can change that as well. At least I am writing a little more each day and starting to ask questions. Boy do I love to ask questions. I just wish I had more answers. The good news is that I might actually be able to answer these. They are slowly forming and I will have one hell of a good time telling this story. It's actually kinda funny. I was thinking about how I'd love for someone to read so that they could ask me questions about it as well, but then after looking at it no one could ever understand it. I have a great storyline, but it's just an outline at this point. High points with no base. It's getting there though!

Well I suppose I better get back to writing and editting. I have a few more hours of my weekend left. I better enjoy them while I can!