Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Where is my head?

You know how sometimes your life just feels like it speeds by you. I am definitely having one of those days. I wish that I could have gotten somethings done but rather felt like I was in slow motion all day. My favorite part was Haley falling asleep all snuggled up to me. She curled up to watch Sleeping Beauty. I asked her if she was going to sleep and she nodded her head yes and closed her eyes. Today I proved that I should have no problems with the kids next week even though I was running so slow. I kept one step ahead of Haley this time and I started planning ahead for what I want to do with the kids next week. I've been researching story times and toddler time and all those goodies to keep us occupied. Although I think that we'll wing it most of the time at least in the beginning. I need to see what the kids like first.

In other news, there is no other news. HA! I've just been plugging away at house stuff. Hopefully I will finish it all before I start the new job.

Monday, August 27, 2007

And so it continues

So having a new job and everything was just to boring for me. I decided to get a second job again since I have better hours to do it. So hopefully next week I will be starting at the Super Target for two nights a week and every other weekend. I love Target so having the discount will help especially for those normal everyday things that you use. I figure that if I do that until the end of the year I can make some extra money so maybe Nick and I can go away next spring somewhere warm.

Well I am having a hard time typing today so I better go. I did one of those dumb moments just a little bit ago and actually touched the stove when it was hot! DUH! At least the lemon meringue pie looks great! I'll write more later when my finger stops throbbing so bad!

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Now I know I'm anal...

Okay I knew it before but once i started really getting into organizing our house I realized how bad I really am. I have my binders set up with my marketing plan for Mary Kay, a binder for my new job, and of course the Planning Workbook that I've had for the last year. Then I have all my little notebooks all lined up: Writing journal, two separate book notebooks, and then my everyday journal. I have these little index card boxes with all different ideas for books, home, etc. I swear if I could get more anal it would be a miracle!

Okay, but things are great otherwise. It feels good to be purging and getting all this old stuff out of the way. Our computer is complaining though. I have almost 100GB filled on the computer. Well over 20 is our music, but that's pretty scary. So now I have to organize things on to cd's and get them put away so I don't have to worry about them any longer. LOL! Like that's going to happen. At least I have things cleaned up and feel a lot better!

The writing has been going very well lately. I have gotten the opportunity to write a little each day. Although it's hard to pick up where I left off several months ago. You can tell where I got bored or just didn't know how to fill in the story. All of the sudden I will have like a three paragraph chapter. It's very pathetic. But it's filling out now and I feel very confident that I can get at least one done by the end of the year. And hopefully I can actually get both done.

Now I just have to take this week to prepare for the new job. I'm not worried about the activities or keeping the kids occupied, I'm worried about keeping up with them. I'm really not in shape right now so I'm hoping this week I can work a lot on stretching and getting some much needed exercise in.

Well I suppose I better go work on the bathroom. That wall paper isn't coming down on it's own, although it is coming up in spots on it's own!LOL! I get that one thing done then I can sit down, relax and write a little.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Starting over is grand...

It seems that life isn't all about work and I'm finally getting a chance to see that! LOL! This week has been great for getting a ton of things done around the house finally. I thought Nick was going to freak out for a moment when he saw me ripping down the wallpaper in the entryway but even with the two tone paint it looks much better than the 80's country wallpaper.

So how am I really doing. I miss Highland Manor, I've even been dreaming about it, but it really does feel good to have a new adventure. I've been writing, and cleaning, and hanging out with my neice and the kids next door. I've been scanning in papers, and cleaning out office supplies, and whenever I get a chance I read! I don't know why but I think that my life has gotten simpler with my leaving Highland Manor. Maybe I was just too wrapped up in it that it permeated the rest of my life. I'll definitely need some clear boundries with the new job, but I don't see it as being as much of a problem.

Well I best run and get all my chores done for the day. I feel a very productive day coming on! Thank the heavens!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Little bit of nothing

Yesterday was the first time I've goofed off in forever. The neighbors came over and we watched movies all afternoon! I forgot how important it is to just have fun!
So what's my new goal! Making sure to have fun everyday and stop making everything so serious. The good news is that I'm working with kids so I can't take everything so damn serious. No, I'm not abandoning my whole way of life. I'm sure I'll still be planning and working hard, but I need to make sure that I get that fun in there too. As I was thinking about this, I remembered this photo from Haley's 3rd birthday party. She reminds me to just have fun. Pretending isn't a bad thing and making believe is just a great way to escape reality. You can be whatever you want to be. Guess that's why I love writing so much. I get to escape this reality and shape my own!
So today I'm going to start writing again and making sure I bring a little nonsense and fun into my life! LOL!
Well I better run! There's a novel calling me back!

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Last day blues.... But life goes on

Yesterday was my last day at Highland Manor. In some ways it was a relief, but instead of celebrating I was too sad to do anything. I'm really going to miss a lot of people at Highland Manor and I wish that I could have continued on for that reason. But I chose the right path, it's just hard not doubting myself.

Last night I went to visit the boys that I will be nannying. They are so super sweet. Brady, five-years-old, wanted to make sure that I would color with him. The first time we met he didn't even want to talk to me and this time he was asking me a ton of questions and wanted to show me all his birthday presents. I'm so excited to work with a family again. This is my ideal situation. I get to be creative and active. I'm really looking forward to my first day.

Otherwise life has been very crazy as usual. Nick had a lymph node explode on Monday and had to have it surgically drained. He's very lucky he didn't get a staph infection. So he's been off most of the week healing. He finally looks much better but he's still moving a little slow. I'm so glad that he decided to go to the doctor right away. I hate to think what might have happened if he would have gone the normal route and not gone to the doctor.

I have been so busy trying to get organized and all of that the last couple weeks. I still have a long way to go but there will always be something to do in my eyes. I haven't even taken time to read or really write. I do feel like if I get this stuff out of the way I will be in a much better spot to be able to write. GET RID OF THE CLUTTER!!!!!! That's what my brain keeps saying.

Speaking of that I better get back to working on the piles. I have all day to get it done, but I'd prefer to get it done and over with so I can rest this afternoon!

I'll be updating this blog a lot more now that I have a normal schedule and will actually be dedicating time to write. YAY! I love new chapters in life!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Big Changes

So I've come to realize that the whole reason to start this blog was to get out all that stuff I have a hard time saying. I haven't been really good at that. I just keep in my shell and let the world think everything is alright. So I've decided to change my life completely, well almost, and finally be on a better track, a healthier track. So what's going on? Here's the scoop:

I quit Highland Manor after over two years of dedicated work. With all the changes that they have made and some things that they probably didn't know where going on, I was so stressed out I just couldn't keep going. Last December I had started going on anti-anxiety medicine and although it helped, I felt like I lost most of me. I lost the part that was creative and passionate about whatever I did. I felt like a zombie. So last week I decided to cut them out of my life. I can't believe what a difference it made. People have been worried cause I look like I'm down in the dumps, but I'm really not, it's just that my head is now going about five million miles a minute again and I'm trying to sort through all of it! I did need the medication and I don't begrudge anyone who does have to take it. It just wasn't a long term solution for me. I'm trying to work through the panic attacks now and with leaving Highland Manor and the financing struggles I was having from lack of sales, the panic attacks should be decreasing. Well that is if the neighbor stops being such a jerk! LOL! That's not likely to happen!

So what am I doing instead? I am going back to work with kids. I was trying to decide between going back to be a nanny and maybe opening my own daycare. After decided to do in home daycare for the meantime I changed my mind and decided to take the nanny position that was offered me. I will be working in Belleville so I have only a 10 minute drive to work. And the family is awesome. Beth, the mom, is just a year older than me and would be someone that I would hang out with. Brad, the dad, seems really nice and the kids are a blast. Bennett and Brady are full of energy and seem like such sweet boys. This gives me the opportunity to be with kids and enjoy their energy as I'm trying to get all of that energy back. I figure it's going to be a great time planning for activities and running around with the boys. Plus they are having a little one join the family in October so it will be great to work with an infant again as well. Nick and I have been trying to start our own family, but it's been a struggle. We've only been trying a couple months, but we hit a road bump early. In May I had a miscarriage and I think that's where most of the problems stemmed. I realized that I couldn't handle all the things that were going on anymore and I really needed a change in my life. I knew it before, but this was like a major wake up call. It's one thing to realize it and it's another to really know it! But we are continuing on and know that we will get lucky some day soon. And believe me, there will be a huge party when it does happen.

So how do I feel now that I'm changing careers again and have tried overhauling my whole life. Surprisingly I feel amazing. Without the meds I have a harder time controlling my emotions, but man do I feel free. I have gotten so much stuff done it's crazy! My last day at Highland Manor is the 17th and I don't start my job full time until the 4th of September, but I figure that the whole house will be organized by then. I have been busy scanning in paperwork so I can destroy old bank statements and phone bills, and all that other crap that is filling up my filing cabinet. And my life in general. Maybe Nick and I will have to get a scanner so we can just keep on filing everything digitally so I can eliminate paper since I'm horrible about filing stuff.

I am truly going to miss the people at Highland Manor. Maria is such a sweet person and I just started to know Nancy and she seems like a blast. I've had a hard time telling some of the residents I'm leaving. I'm sure I'll be in tears on Friday just knowing how far I've come there and leaving it all behind. I'll make sure to stay in contact with them, but it's always hard when you are undergoing a new adventure.

Good news is I have started writing again. I'm planning on working on my writing, and my reading, while I'm a nanny. I also hope to lose some of the weight I've gained recently. I figure the healthier I get the better our chances for having a healthy baby. Plus I don't mind fitting back into my favorite size 5 jeans! It's been close off and on, but it needs to be a permanent fix! Oh, and with the nanny job I don't have to worry about dress code. One less thing to think about and I can be comfortable enough to think and create!

Okay, well I think I've dumped enough for this entry! But with all the extra time I'll have I'm sure I will be blogging more often and I promise to try to wear my heart on my sleeve a little more!