Where to go from here?

Okay so most of you know that I am a anal retentive person about lists and always trying to get organized and planning and all the jazz! Boy do I wish I could give that up sometimes. It's exhausting. Since I rarely fly by the seat of my pants it feels like I'm constantly trying to work out when I'll be doing what and figure out how to finish all that I would like to do with this life!

I haven't got much done with the book but it is more organized so I can go through it a little easier! I am very happy about that. I am hoping that over the next couple days I'll have some time to work on it since I have Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off. I'm really hoping to get a lot of things done, but we'll see.

Okay, well it's time to get some work done, we'll see how much I can get done before 2:30! Wish me luck!

New Realizations Every Day

I swear it's amazing how you can do the same thing day in and day out and suddenly it hits you, why? I had one of those moments last night. I was doing my last check in with the girls before I went to bed. I looked at those beautiful little babes and I was in love all over again. The best part of it was I want to be a better person because of those girls. I learn so much from them and I know that they are learning a lot from me. I want them to have the best they can possibly have and I'm sure that every parent does. I realized that slowly what I do will shape these little girls minds and so I better be on my best behavior. Mia waved at the cat yesterday, she waved and me several times today and giggled at how proud she was of herself. And then Katrina tonight decided to join right in. So I had two smiling little girls waving at me and all I could do was laugh!

So tonight I am bringing out my book. No more excuses. No more bologna. It's time to work and make my little girls proud of me. I will do it for my girls so they can see we can all reach our dreams.

OMG...it's been over a year!

I seriously didn't think that it's been that long since I wrote, but I guess it has. I'm not taking much time to write now, just taking the time to start writing something again. I really have had a strange but thought-provoking weekend. I realized a lot about myself and who I want to be. Having Mia and Kat in my life has made me realize I want a lot more of myself then I let myself get away with. Some big decisions were made and I really feel a lot better about myself and my direction.

Well I said it was going to be short, and short it is. But this is only the beginning. I will be writing more and definitely sharing the changes going on!

Website I need for work

This is a cool website that the kids at Kids World are going to do at the computer lab! Have fun and try it your self!

http://www.vam.ac.uk/vastatic/microsites/british_galleries/designa/coat_of_arms/coat_of_arms.html

http://www.dltk-cards.com/memory/index.htm

Too tired to move!

I guess it's been quite some time since i actually sat down and let anyone know what's going on. I swear that I am having a hard time knowing what day it is anymore. It's been super busy with my job, the chocolates, and all the other stuff that keeps coming my way.

The job is going great! Thank god we haven't had anymore snow! We are actually getting back to normal, but of course Spring Break is coming so it will get all messed up again. The kids are getting better and better so that's great! I am now working with the kindergartners instead of the big kids and they are so much fun. I love the age! I've been really busy trying to get office hours in and helping Small World with their annual Spring Raffle and lunch with the Easter Bunny. It looks like it's going to be a huge success and I'm definitely keeping my fingers crossed.

The writing is going, but it's been in spurts like usual. Since last week was so crazy I'm hoping that I can get back to it next week a little harder. We'll see, it's hard to see what this week will bring.

The chocolates are going great! Just finished up the Valentine's Day season and just can't wait to see what happens for Easter. Tewfic has been doing updates on the website so we should be really stylin' soon. Go check it out at www.soufflon.com

Well I suppose I better get going for now. I'm pretty beat since I was up late babysitting. Think it's time to go lay down on the couch. I promise to write more often!

Sick and Tired

Well really, I'm tired because I'm sick! LOL! I just went to the doctor's today and realized that I have been sick since Thanksgiving. I thought I was better this month, but got the cold right back again. Good news is I'm on the mend, thank goodness, and hopefully will beat this thing before spring sets in!

I haven't written in awhile since things have been pretty crazy (and sick) lately. Not much new except the whole job thing which I am in love with. We've changed things around a little bit so that now I'm working with the school-aged children in their before and after school programs. I'm having a ton of fun with the kids and it gives me some time during the day to work on the chocolate business which is doing much better than anticipated. We had a great holiday season and are looking forward to a great Valentine's Day too!

Nick and I painted some of the house which makes such a difference. I love the new look but it makes me want to go out and shop for new stuff to go with it! I have a lot more restraint than I used to so I'm content with waiting until I know exactly what I want! My wallet, and husband, are very thankful!

The writing has slowed down but not the brainstorming. I've thought more about the book in the last month than I probably did the previous three. It's going in a little bit different direction than I previously thought, but maybe I can get this done sooner rather than later! I'm crossing my fingers that it will get finished soon and I can actually publish it. I'm not holding my breath, but I am praying for a miracle!

Well I suppose I better get going. Still have a mess to clean up after the whole painting craziness. Plus, I'm a pig when I'm sick so I better clean up before Nick comes home!

Scary times

Okay, well it's not that scary, but it feels that way. I'm sending the first chapter of my book out into the world. Okay, it's not going far, but it's still really scary. I wish I wasn't such a fraidy cat, maybe my life would be so different. It seems like I've been scared most of my life of doing what I want to do. Writing is my opportunity to try something different. And I'm scared as hell.

Merry Christmas to everyone! I'm so excited for the holidays, and so ready for them to be over. I'm looking at the calendar wishing that 2008 was here and I could start over fresh. I think I go through this every year, but I'm hoping that after all the tradegy that we've had this year, we'll have smooth sailing this year.

I'm starting to finally feel better. I still have a really bad cough, but otherwise I'm doing fine. The cough meds seem to be working less and less so I'm figuring I'll have to make one more trip to the doctors. Maybe it'll be fixed by Wednesday so I don't have to make a call at all.

Well I don't have much to say right now. Well I do, but I'm actually thinking about sitting down and writing. That's a pretty big improvement so I better jump on it while I still have it!

Please stop the voices....

Watching Brady I seriously contemplated the fact that I have ADD. Obviously I'm not hyper so we weren't twins, but man did we have some similar tendencies. Now as it's Sunday night, and I should be sleeping, my mind is going about five million miles a minute. I feel so crazy right now and it's so strange. I've been so tired the last couple days, especially with being sick, that it's annoying to actually not be able to sleep. I want to get over this cold and get on with my life. LOL!

So how do I fix this. Well my plan is to first honor my promise to my dearest friend in the world. I have been such a flake with everything going on that I feel like I have neglected my most wonderful friendships. So I'm reading Stephie's review that is due this Wednesday to give my opinion and suggestions. I'll probably get more pysched up so I'm not betting on sleep for awhile. I'm hoping that I can spend a little time getting some of these damn thoughts out of my head too.

Three weeks ago, almost to the hour I was in the bathroom experiencing the first signs of my miscarriage. Since then I've been reading about tests, and causes and all that other crap that fills your mind when you go through a tramatic event. Last week I started tests to see if there is something wrong, but I don't know if that will ever make it better. Is it something that can be fixed, or will we just keep experiencing this over and over again. I don't usually like laying all out there, but I'm scared as shit! I just can't imagine going through it again. And what scares me the most is even thinking about getting pregnant cause I'm always going to imagine that it won't stick. What will get us over the hump? Do we need to move away from the jerk next door to relieve some of the stress around here? What can fix the problem? I love to work on problems to find possible solutions, but I'm scared to death of what my solutions might be. Nick and I have discussed that we are not going to extreme measures to have a baby. Now we have to decide what are "extreme measures". How many tests do I take before we are too emotionally involved in trying to carry a baby to term to actually be able to stop?

It seems in every aspect of my life I'm riding on the wave of "what if's". What is my ideal job, what is the ideal situation, what do I really want to do with my life? Right now, I think it's to work with kids. But if I had the chance I would sit at home work on the chocolate business and write. I have several stories stuck in my head just waiting to get started but I just can't seem to sit long enough to get something out. I started yet another book just recently. I swear I just can't commit to anything. I'm over 80 pages into my first book and can't seem to get my junk in gear to get the rest out. So what if I had the time to actually write with no other worries? I'd probably be running around with my head chopped off, having 100 different stories started but nothing even close to finishing. I promised myself that I would take a little time this last week to write a little and I didn't. I wrote in my journal, which has even been a chore lately. Maybe I'm just too sad about everything right now that it's too depressing to admit my feelings and what is really going on in my life. I mean, really, who wants to write down, have no job, lost baby, might never have a baby, car sucks - it broke again, neighbor is still being a jerk, why the hell does this all happen to me? Man, just looking at that line makes me want to cry! I think that's the hardest part of it all. I don't feel like I can get all this negativity out. I don't want to be like this. I want to get up, dust my pants and move on. I know that it's only natural to greive and be upset, but I don't like being that person. I don't want people to take care of me, I want to be their support. I guess I feel that people don't know how to help me or take care of me anyways, so I don't even want to ask. I know that I'm extremely independent. I like to just take care of something if it needs to be done. Well as long as I don't get distracted by the million other things I'm trying to take care of. But man would it feel nice right now to not have to do anything for a little bit. I wish we didn't have the worry of what do we do if I don't get a job within the next couple week. I wish that we didn't have to worry about all the chores around the house that need to be done, or wrapping the Christmas gifts, or all that other garbage that keeps muddling my thoughts day in and out. I just wish there was a day where I could just sit down and keep writing, whatever that comes into my head, was transferred to paper. Maybe there will be some time, but it seems pretty impossible right now.

I suppose I better get my butt back to reading Stephie's review. It's pretty interesting but the way I'm going I'll never get it done. There's always time to write more later. LOL!

Okay, this sucks

Okay, I don't know who has a deal with the man upstairs but can you have him show me a little love from here on out! Yesterday I found out that the family I'm working for has decided to go back to the whole daycare thing. Now I'm searching for a job really really hard and very very quickly. I really am disappointed since I do love the kids and the parents so much. It's hard to believe how attached you can get so quickly. So if you ever wondered how I manage to get myself into these messes, I can honestly say I have no clue!

At least it doesn't look completely bleak! I'm toying with the at home daycare thing again. After looking at it, I might possibly have three neices and a nephew that I would watch and that wouldn't be so bad. I wouldn't need a lot more kids on, maybe one more and that would be more than enough to make ends meet. I just wish Nick and I were in a better place that it would work better in. Guess I gotta make due with what I'm provided with! Hopefully we can still have the opportunity to purchase a different home in the next year. We'll see, never know how things will turn out.

For those of you wondering, I am doing better. I'm still really sleepy but I'm getting better every day. I go back to the doctor next week to talk about what is going on and what the next steps are. Nick and I really are excited to start a family and want to know if it's even an option. Emotionally I don't know if I can continue to go through the agony of having another miscarriage. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like they can do much until they know that it's a recurrant thing for sure. Like it isn't enough torture being a woman, let's throw in raging hormones and the biggest emotional roller coaster just to watch it all crash down again! Thanks a lot!

Oh, and for the side jobs, they are going alright. I am still tinkering with Mary Kay. Just when I think I have the resources to start picking up again is when something big, like losing a job, sets in and I'm pushed back about five steps. I have a big open house this weekend and I'm really excited about that. Hopefully I can get a lot of business from that although I'm no where near ready for it. I haven't even opened my product to see what I have. I should have ordered product but there hasn't been any time and very little money to get it going. Hopefully the chocolate business is starting to pick up. We seem to be having some technical difficulties but the orders keep coming in. I just sent out three orders earlier today, but haven't seen any new orders come in for the rest of the day. I'm really crossing my fingers that it all works out in the end! I am so excited for this project. Check us out when you have a moment. We are still updating and working on changing things around but here's the address www.soufflon.com.

Well I better run and work on figuring out this life I've been dealt!

Life sucks, Part II

Okay, so I'm really getting tired of life just sucking. Nick and I finally felt like we were in a good place and things start to shift for the worse again.

I gave Nick a very special gift for his birthday, I told him he was going to be a daddy. Last night my body changed it's mind though and so now we are so disappointed. We want so badly to have children and after the last miscarriage I thought we would be safe from another. Guess life just doesn't work that way unfortunately.

I'm trying to forget it and move on as quickly as possible. I have started with the holiday decorations and am hoping to get some baking done on Friday! I'm so looking forward to it. It sounds like I'm going to have a ton of kids that want to come help me too! It makes baking even more fun when you get to share it!

Well I suppose I better cut this one short today so I can go get some rest!

Can I just get back to normal?

LOL! Now that's a joke! I'm not even sure what normal is. Just when I think I'm back to a calm existence I realize that I have about five million things to do for something else.

The good news is my job has calmed down a lot. The kids are settled into their new home and Beau is a beautiful baby that doesn't fuss a lot. Nick and I went over there for dinner on Friday night and had a blast. Beth and Brad are great people and I love working for them!

Well the rest of my stuff has been on a little bit of a stand still since I've been working so hard with the boys and I'm so tired by the time I get home. My Mary Kay business has been doing pretty well and I'm looking forward to my open house this year on the first of December. I have everything planned and I am hoping to get all my stuff ready for it way in advance this time. I have the flyers going out early this week so I should be in good shape. The chocolate business is starting off here soon. Tewfic, my partner in chocolate crime, is finishing up the website right now and we'll be ready to rock and roll. Let me know if you ever want a sample and I can get you a few to try! Here's the website so you can check it out www.soufflon.com. They might seem a bit expensive but they are really, really good. Plus you are helping a good cause, ME! LOL!

The house is kinda at a stand still on home projects until probably after the holidays. It seems like all your energy gets sucked up so easily this time of year. I started checking out my holiday address list for Christmas cards. I'll have them done for Thanksgiving so I can get them out by the first of December. I truly love the holidays though. I'm looking forward to putting up the decorations and baking Christmas cookies, especially with the new stove. I'm going to try making a few new treats this year and be sharing as much as I can!

Well I suppose I better get back to money-making work. You know, since it's Sunday morning and I should be resting. Especially since we came home late and I didn't get to bed until 2AM, but that's fine. Guess it means I have to take a nap today! YAY!

Happy One Year Anniversary

So Nick and I made it to the one year mark in our house! I don't know whether to celebrate or scream sometimes. It's actually started to be a count down. One more year and we can move again. LOL! I do love this house dearly now, but it wasn't what I wanted at all when we started out. And those things that I didn't love about it then are the same things I don't love about it now. I've started a checklist of things that I really want in a home and hopefully this time Nick and I can actually talk about it rather than taking what we think we can get. It's still a ways off so I'm trying not to think about it a lot yet.

I finally got through the hard part of my job. The Richardson family is now in their new house and we can start making life for the boys normal again. Brady and Bennett have been over here at the house a few times this week since we need to get out of the way and they love it here. I've been so busy trying to wear them out that I've succeeded in wearing myself out as well. And yet I'm up on a Saturday morning at 6:30AM instead of resting in bed. At least writing is relaxing for me. It's not like I'm up trying to do a marathon!

Well I suppose I should go and actually start my day. I hope all is well with everyone out there!

Coping with what life throws at you!

After the rough couple years I've had I realized how often that life seems to smoother. Of course there are bumps on the way but they are so small compared to what they used to be.

Our neighbor situation is on its way to being resolved. We are going to court with him on the day before Thanksgiving. Hopefully the driveway will not be closed off anymore and he'll give up on trying to give all of us such a hard time. I know I'm being overly optimistic but I gotta believe in something! Nick and I are social butterflies, well I'm more social when I can stick around home, if that makes sense. I wouldn't mind if they kept to themselves but to sit there and harass us when we are outside is just plain evil.

Everything else in life is pretty much the same as last time. Oh, except we got a new stove. I've loved baking even more since we moved into the house, but the last stove was a little hard to regulate. I'm so excited to bake some brownies this afternoon and actually have them turn out! Nick says I have to learn to make them from scratch now since I've been trying to make everything else from scratch. You should see my cupcakes with royal frosting! YUM! Oh and I make an angel food cake (okay, that was from the box) but I made a strawberry whip cream frosting that was amazing! I was so impressed with myself. And it was for our neighbor girl's birthday and she was so happy!

My life has become so much more calm now that I'm back working with kids. I love just hanging out and learning together. They have so much energy so I get quite the workout (unfortunatly they give me a big appetite too so I haven't lost much weight yet)! My family has remarked how calm I've become. Not that I'm really a high strung person but I was running around like my ass was on fire a lot of the time. I have always known that there is something different in me when I work with kids. Nick used to laugh that I needed my weekly dose of kids to keep happy. I loved Abby, Lexie and Roxie coming over when I worked at Highland Manor, but it wasn't the same. Now I get to be really important in children's lives. Guess I should have stuck with the whole teaching career, but maybe someday that will happen.

Well I suppose I better get working on some stuff. I have a whole house to clean and want to get another chapter finished in my book! Nick's gone for the day so I better take advantage of it while I can!

To all of you at Highland Manor reading this: I MISS YOU GUYS LIKE CRAZY!

Another new addition

So it finally happened. I don't have the details yet, but I have another little boy to watch at my job! Beth had boy #3 very early this morning. I stopped in at their home to ask Brad's parents and that's all the details I got so far. I'm very excited to get to meet the little one soon.

So life in general has been so busy. Every time I turn around we are running on to the next thing. Our anniversary came and went, very quickly. We haven't even really got the chance to celebrate yet! Pretty sad considering that we don't have kids stopping us:)

Life keeps getting better though. Still lovin my job and things are finally falling into place. I officially have started helping a friend of my dearest Stephie! I'm shipping out chocolates for his internet chocolate business. We had samples on Friday night and they are awesome. Visit www.soufflon.com to check out more information or to order!

Well I suppose I better get my butt going. I have a lot of work to do and I really want to get some of it done before I fall asleep. Not looking good at this point, my eyes are starting to get really heavy.

Where did the weekend go?

It's amazing how quickly a weekend can go by! I didn't have much time to myself today or yesterday so I feel a little out of sorts right now. Too bad that I get be thrown right into it again tomorrow, but that's what I love.

No more writing, but I really have been reading a lot. It feels good to read some popular fiction right now. I have been reading some really intense books until lately. I just finished Garden Spells and I'm now reading this book called Little Pink Slips. They are quick books that just help the time fly. I'm hoping that tonight I will have some time to write a little bit.

Well better go! Gotta have some time to get stuff done!

Just another week

Well I shouldn't say it's just another week. Nick and I had the cops call on us again by our wonderful neighbor. What an a**hole! We had a campfire last night again, like we love to do, and he claims that within the hour of us lighting it he had to take his wife to the hospital (and somehow magically got back in that time while the Badger game was getting done)! So even though we now have a permit our fire was a public nuisance! What a jerk! He's got another thing coming cause all hell is breaking loose today. We'll get him back!

In other news there isn't much going on! My little charges are keeping me busy and hopefully helping me lose some of that weight I've been trying to get rid of for the last couple of months. Next week we are going to do a lot of outings since it's supposed to rain a ton! Not what I really wanted to hear, but we'll make the best of it!

Well I suppose I better continue on to all my wonderful projects I need to finish today! Oh, I'm helping out a friend with his chocolate business so if you're ever in the mood for some lovely chocolates check out http://www.soufflon.com/. I'm really excited about this venture!

A little bit slow...

Long time, no write! I have been so busy trying to keep up I keep saying I'm going to update my blog but never get the time. So for some reason I was up before 6AM on a Saturday so I'm busy catching up with all the good stuff I've been too tired to do lately!

For all you out there wondering....I LOVE MY NEW JOB!!!!!!! Okay, it does take some getting used to but the kids and the family are great! I'm still a little nervous about the whole baby thing and they just got a puppy too! They are super sweet and the pup is going with them every day to work so I don't have to worry about cleaning up after him. The boys and I are getting into a schedule, not that it works all the time but each day gets better and better. I love the kids to pieces and Brad and Beth are making me feel so welcome! I get constant feedback also which is great after not knowing for sure what was going on ever.

At least I still have time to read and write! I take my book (well both books, the one I'm reading and the one I'm writing) to work on while we have Nap/Quiet Time. I haven't read any to die for books lately, just a lot of fluff, but it's been fun. And the writing is getting better and better. Plus I feel like I have it a lot more organized in my head. I'm taking notes on what I want to add and where the book is going. Actually what is funny, is that I know about the ending more than I know about the beginning. I have the second half of the story pretty much finished. It's the first half of the book that's causing all the problems. All the characters and the deaths of main characters (well they aren't really main characters, they just seem like it right now....another thing to fix) are making my head spin. Then I look and I see that I might know what is going on but I still haven't given the reader enough information to make them see what is going on all around. But at least I'm more concience of it now. I have started making outlines and have lists of what I need to add. I'm so excited though. I've gotten twenty pages of really good writing done in the last couple weeks and a lot more notes to add about another 30 pages. If I keep going this way I'll be able to get the book done by the end of the year. That's my goal. I've already started working on the whole looking for a publisher. I got some research materials at the library so I can start sending out query letters and find an agent. Well I suppose some people are tired of hearing me blabber on about my book so I'll quit for now!

I realized that I'm a little sad this fall. I usually love fall so much, the hot apple cider, colors changing, pumpkins, SWEATER WEATHER!!!! There's so many great things that are associated with fall. But this is the first year I had a garden and I hated to pull all the stuff out of it. This week I started pulling the flowers out of the extra pots that weren't doing the best and pulled up the fence around the garden. The good news is that we are going to to a much bigger garden (Ha! Not like we have the room, but we are making the room) and then I can plant more stuff! I also learned that I don't need to plant so much yellow squash. I have so much in the freezer I don't know how I'm going to cook it all! I'm also hoping that I can plant some pumpkins next year!

Well I suppose I better get working on all the other stuff that needs to be done this morning. The sun in finally up so I might actually get my walk in early! Hope everyone is doing well!!!!

A New Beginning

Well today was my first official day of my new nanny job. It's a little bit different but I'm so happy I switched. This is going to be the best thing ever. Both little boys are sweethearts. In fact, Brady, the five year old, didn't want me to leave today. But I promised him that I would be back in the morning and he was cool with that! This week is all about setting their schedules and making it a learning experience instead of just being able to stay home and play all day. Not that there is anything wrong with playing but kids need a type of play that helps them learn. Anyways, I'm having fun and enjoying my new family!

But I'm not so sure about the Target thing. I have never worked for a large company and I just don't know about this. I was the last cashier last night at 10 when the store closed and do you think that I could find my trainer, NO! I still don't know where he went but I figured I'd just help someone straighten things up until my shift was supposed to be over. But of course I got hooked up with this crazy lady that wanted to talk about everything and let me know her whole life story! At least this is just a temporary thing. Soon they'll have me on the sales floor and I'll know exactly what I'm doing. Plus I'm only planning on staying till the end of the year. Hopefully things will be much different by that time. Plus I'll have an extra little one that I will be watching at my full time job so I'll be just too tired to continue with both jobs.

My first day at my new job and guess what I got to do for the first hour of work! WRITE! The kids slept in so I got out my notebook and started plugging away. It's unbelievable how long it's taking considering this is kind of my second draft. But each page is generating an additional 2-5 pages of writing which I'm super excited for! That means that the measly little 75 pages it was could actually get to be about 300 pages easily. And that's only the second draft. But the third draft I figure I'm going to start cutting again or at least tweaking the details. I can tell some of the writing coming out isn't exactly what I want it to be.

And I got to read today too. While Bennett was napping and Brady was watching a movie I got the opportunity to pull out my book and read for a little bit. I'm actually thinking about doing it again. Nick is gone bowling for the evening so I should just hop into bed with my book and see how far I can get before my eyes get too heavy. That actually sounds heavenly right now so I think I must go for now.

Oh, one quick side note! I'm so excited Stephie is coming home tomorrow! I can hardly wait. I have been missing her so much and this is the longest she's ever been abroad without visiting.

Okay, now I'm done and I can get back to my book!

We got the cops called on us...

It's official. We are bad neighbors. The ***hole next door finally called the cops on us. The war just continues. Last week he called the cops on the other neighbor. Now I finally called the cops cause their dog was running loose this week. So what does the jerk do, call the cops cause we were having a fire in the back yard. Aparently they have a health condition that it is affecting. Bad news to them is that once we have a permit we can have a camp fire whenever the hell we want to! I'm so mad I could just go over there and scream at the jerk. I love living here and I love our other neighbors. This jerk really needs to go away. There is only one other person in this world that I hate and he is quickly replacing that person.

Where is my head?

You know how sometimes your life just feels like it speeds by you. I am definitely having one of those days. I wish that I could have gotten somethings done but rather felt like I was in slow motion all day. My favorite part was Haley falling asleep all snuggled up to me. She curled up to watch Sleeping Beauty. I asked her if she was going to sleep and she nodded her head yes and closed her eyes. Today I proved that I should have no problems with the kids next week even though I was running so slow. I kept one step ahead of Haley this time and I started planning ahead for what I want to do with the kids next week. I've been researching story times and toddler time and all those goodies to keep us occupied. Although I think that we'll wing it most of the time at least in the beginning. I need to see what the kids like first.

In other news, there is no other news. HA! I've just been plugging away at house stuff. Hopefully I will finish it all before I start the new job.